GOD’S FAITHFULNESS and LOVE
for me and His people… which will last forever

          As a child, becoming a Sister was far from my mind.  The nuns I met were fair, tall and sturdy… dressed in a very queer-looking attire.  To me, they are just a different type of people.  Looking back would be one continuous “Deo Gratias” for the childhood and girlhood that witnessed only the joy of living.  I was born into a very obscure, little town…grew into a lovely world, to wonderful parents, into a happy and peaceful home into the Catholic faith.

          There was a time when I dreamt of becoming a concert pianist but my fingers were sizes too small and my health proved it was too strenuous a career for me.  Nursing was my second choice.  “How can you be a nurse,” my dear mother commented,” you cannot even take care of me when I am sick.”  Perhaps, she remembered the time I assisted the doctor treating and right there I fainted at the sight of blood.

          At 17 I was called by God. (I only realized this years later.)  Fr. George Hantson, CICM inquired right after graduation: “What are your plans?”  Proudly I said, “Father, I am going to Manila to study at the University of the Philippines.”  What he asked next really shocked me. “My child, don’t you think God is calling you to a higher state?”  There was a serious tone in his voice.  I knew exactly what he meant and I said to myself, “My God, he is going to make a nun out of me. And I haven’t even made my debut.”  Never did I want to see him again.  However, his question haunted me.  Could God be calling me?  If so, then, it will be a total surrender to His love by joining a contemplative order (It was the Pink Sisters of Baguio that I had in mind).  Until such a time I watched carefully that my heart is reserved for God alone.

          It was at St. Theresa’s College in Manila that my caring mother enrolled me.  How and why not U.P I didn’t quite understand.  She only said it was best for me.  In 6 months’ time my studies were interrupted by World War II.  For the 4 years that followed I had no formal schooling.  No college education was offered in Baguio then.  Besides, I feared making trips to Manila and be confronted by Japanese sentries.  I felt it was safer to remain at home.

          Back in STC, I did realize (though only some years later) that it was truly the best place for me.  The seed of a religious vocation sown years earlier was nurtured… and it grew and blossomed.  My prayer life was enriched and I grew in greater knowledge and intimacy with Mary and through her with Jesus.  My Catholic faith was being deepened too.  I was a boarder and I could see how well the Sisters lived their lives…. And I wondered what inspired them to leave their home country, become missionaries of full of zeal, love and devotion. (Teaching was their main apostolate.)  Then too, several of my schoolmates entered their novitiate and they looked lovely in their white habits.  No longer did it look queer to me.  Was I being influenced by them?  Before I knew it I was expressing my desire to Sr. Hermine, the Provincial superior, to join them but she kindly advised and encouraged me to finish my studies first.  I was 25 in 3^rd year college.

          It is strange that at this point I wanted to quit school.  Was it my anxiety to undergo Practice teaching?  I convinced myself that I did not possess the qualities of an efficient teacher.  But my wise parents would not accept any substitute for an education degree.  Both were school teachers themselves.  After a semester’s break, I hesitatingly obeyed.

          After graduation I told my parents of my desire to enter the convent.  They had no objections, only my dear father begged me to wait for another year, just to give him, Ma and my 2 brothers the joy of living together in our new house which was being built.

          So I accepted a teaching position in St. Louis School.  It was only then that I seriously discerned in prayer which order to enter.  Fr. George Hantson, CICM, said the contemplative life was definitely was not for me.  Fr. Karel Piestero, CICM suggested the ICM for I  practically grew up with them.  It was also my father’s choice.  I shared my doubts with Fr. James Moran, SJ because of my poor health.  “Join the Good Shepherd Sisters,” he said,” and they will build you up.”

          In my visit to the Novices of the ICM, a friend requested me to visit her sister at the Good Shepherd Convent.  I did and upon entering their convent grounds there was something mysterious that I felt.  The whole atmosphere simply captivated me… it was so quiet and peaceful, the air so cool and refreshing and all around me was God’s beautiful creations – a variety of lovely, colorful flowers, tall, sweet-scented pine trees and at a distance majestic, towering mountains.  Much to our delight, the Sister I was visiting and I discovered that we were classmates in STC some 10 years ago.  It was Sr. M. Therese Veloso.  In my other visits with my co-teachers, we met Sr. M. John Eudes  (now Sr. M. Margarita Heredia) and Sr. Rosary Bonifacio.  We were so touched by their availability and hospitality.  They really made us feel important.  And I wondered” “Could the rest of the Sisters be like them?”  We learned a lot about their apostolate of caring for “strayed” women and teenagers with personal and behavioral problems.  That appealed to me.  Before the day was over, I said: “Now, I know which Order to enter.”

          The answer to my application was a great disappointment.  Mother Lourdes, the Provincial Superior wrote with much regret that she would have gladly welcomed me with open arms had it not been for the condition of my heart.  Oh!  How I cried!  It was a bitter, painful experience for me.  I was really heartbroken… and to think it was broken not by a mere man but God Himself.  It was clear to me that I had no Good Shepherd vocation.  Or was God just testing my love as Fr. Augustine Bello, SJ said to console me?  He persuaded me to write again for a reconsideration of my case.  I did believing the result in God’s hand.

          Months passed by without any reply.  In my eagerness to enter the convent, I sought admission in another religious Order.  I was most welcomed and could enter soonest as long as my physical examination was favorable.  This time it was my lungs and I was strictly ordered to take a month of complete bed rest.  Again, another disappointment but accepted with resignation.  Did God want me to remain “in the world?”  I resumed my teaching profession and by mid-November I had the greatest, the happiest surprise ever!  Mother Lourdes had reconsidered my case and all went well.  On January 28 the following year, I was joyfully greeted by the Sisters and novices into the Good Shepherd fold in Los Angeles, California.

          The days, months that followed were just glorious.  The joy I experienced was unspeakable like finding the pearl of great price.  There was deep peace and real contentment in my heart.  I really felt loved and accepted.  How I wished my friends could have the same experience!  But as life is not merely a path of roses, I, too, had my share of Christ’s cross.  What I suffered (as I realized later) was mainly caused by my pride….my lack of humility.  It was difficult for me to accept correction and to admit my limitations, faults and shortcomings.  I was so discouraged so much so that I practically lost my self-esteem and was filled with shame.  Could I live a life of perfection and be worthy of God’s love?  The remembrance of St. Peter and Mary Magdalen who once were great sinners but had become great saints, if not the greatest, come to my mind.  The thought dragged me out of my depression determined to be a saint by God’s grace.  After Vatican II, the names of Sts. Vitalis, father and servant saints, were cancelled out from the Order.  I told the Sisters, “I will put “Vitalis” back!”  Such a big pride, but it was good for it kept me “alive and going.”  Till I made my first profession on September 8, 1955.

          As a professed Sister, I had had the joy of being a teacher and a group mother for almost 20 years in our schools and residences:  in Quezon City, Buhi, Malabon, Baguio and Metro Manila.  It was only during the Martial Law regime that I was moved by the Spirit to reach out to the wider community….thanks to the leadership and zealous example of Sr. M. Guadalupe Bautista, our Superior at that time.  (At first I gave as an excuse that I was too weak to walk only to discover that I could walk a great distance… and even climb hills and mountains with little boys as my guides.)  It was a challenging adventure to work for and with the people of Montanosa, particularly the Benguet tribe;  with fisherfolks in Tobuan, Pangasinan where Sr. Eugenia Mendoza and I took the risk of living in a little hut by the seashore close to their village;  with farmers and their families in Isabela where I hesitated to go for fear of becoming a victim of military harassment and violence;  with the staff and students of the parish school in Kibawe, Bukidnon….and finally at 73 I volunteered for the foreign missions in Africa where I simply gave my presence and love to see our own Sisters there, to poor families and out-of-school girls in Kangeta, Kenya. ( There was the language barrier but I managed to converse with them.  After all the language of the heart is always understood as proven by the smiles in our faces.)

          In obedience I accepted these assignments fired with an ardent love and burning zeal to evangelize the people but eventually I myself was being evangelized.  Many a lesson in life did I learn from them;  their poverty and simple lifestyle yet happy and contented;  their respectful attitude and hospitality, their persevering patience while waiting for a ride, a good harvest or big catch;  their spontaneity in praying and sharing God’s world and for some, their readiness to give a homily and conduct a para-liturgical Mass; and above all, their deep faith and abiding trust in Divine Providence.  I can still remember so well how little children could easily forgive one another and be reconciled.  I could not help thinking how close all these people were to God and how precious they must be in God’s sight.

          In my later years and up to now, I have met with various problems and difficulties, but for the grace of God, the years have mellowed me.  Rather than “groan” and “moan”, I have always taken them as challenges… as opportunities to serve and do good….and to offer then with Jesus for God’s glory and the salvation of souls.  True enough, the more difficult the attainment of a goal, the more valuable and precious it becomes.  God alone knows how truly compassionate I have been to all those He had sent me to love and serve.  I leave the results to Him.  But I will continue to strive with every fiber of my heart “ to love as Christ loves us” and “to be compassionate as our Heavenly Father is compassionate.  SO HELP ME GOD!”

          Whatever good I have done, I know it is the Lord Who has accomplished His designs on His people through me.  As. St. Mary Euphrasia said: “Gratitude is the memory of the heart” and I just want to thank God with all my heart for the 79 years of living….the religious life I have lived, a life made beautiful, meaningful and fruitful because of His greatness and love.  This is the very reason why I wish and pray that God may grace and gifts many a woman with a Good Shepherd vocation.  So that having experienced God’s tremendous love, they too may pour out their very love of Jesus, our Shepherd God and be truly compassionate to God’s little ones, the most needy and abandoned.

          Recalling these past 50 years of my religious life, would still be one continuous “Deo Gratias” began in my early childhood.  Now, as ever, I can truly PROCLAIM, and sing over and over again, GOD’S FAITHFULNESS and LOVE for me and His people… which will last forever.

                             “What shall I render to the Lord  -  

                                      for all  -  the things that He has rendered unto me?

                             O praise the Lord, O my soul!

                                      O praise the Lord, O my soul!

                             And glorify, and glorify , His Name forever!”